don’t hate the player..

**i’d like to preface this post by noting that it isn’t coming from me because something emotionally traumatic happened. i just have had quite a few conversations with friends that centered on this topic and so per the usual, i wanted to share my rambling thoughts**

someone once told me to survive the world of dating, i had to play the game.

well. i don’t play games.

what does that even mean anyway? i had a conversation with a good friend about games the guys and girls play when they’re interested in someone or trying to get interested in someone, and frankly, it’s a flippin mess. let’s see if i can even break this down.

here’s how it apparently works.

guy likes girl
guy is interested in girl
guy starts to show interest in girl
girl responds
guy acts disinterested to see if girl is interested
girl does the same
this continues for a while until
girl gets fed up and overreacts
guy takes overreaction as girl being too aggressive
guy backs off
girl gets pissed and stereotypes all men to be pigs

hmm. was that an unfair summary? it was sorry. but i’ve been having some sort of brain fart this week, wondering why the heck we all aren’t just a tiny bit more honest with each other. i’ll be the first (okay maybe not the first…) to admit that some games are necessary. i mean it’s a defense mechanism for most, in order to protect ourselves from being too vulnerable too quickly. that in of itself is smart, since it’s really not the best idea to go around spouting love poems and giving your heart away to just anyone! but isn’t there some sort of balance?!

the dilemma.

here’s what i’ve seen happen. i’ll be honest, i tend to be super oblivious if a guy is interested in me. or if i do catch wind of it and i don’t want to give the guy the wrong impression, i friendship stiff arm him until he gets the idea. and you can ask anyone who knows me well: friendship stiff arming is something i’ve got down to an art. it’s pretty much second nature by this point!

and this is something i’ve noticed happening to many of my friends. guys like to pursue the girl. i get it and i’m all for it! there’s nothing like being pursued by a legit dude (heck, how do you think Disney movies and chick flicks make so much money!?). but then it gets the point where the girl is like… hmmm okay i should probably show some interest back! but when she does, the guy backs off and loses interest because the chase is over. this just begins the beautiful cycle, only perpetuated by the belief that men have short attention spans and women are overdramatic and overemotional. great right?

so listen up.

i told my good guy friend N this when he questioned whether or not to be honest with a girl. PLEASE please please do it. whatever rumor was started that says girls would rather guys just keep them guessing is NOT true. hear that?

girls would rather guys be up front with them about what’s going on. and i don’t mean in general. i mean relationally.

okay okay. again i’m not saying that guys should just tell girls they’re interested right away. no. that’s where playing the game comes in. ya gotta make sure that there’s some mutual interest right? but at some point, girls just need guys to be straightforward and say, hey i’m interested in getting to know you better. OR hey your’e a super awesome friend but i’d like to keep it that way.

scenario 1: girl likes guy. guy seems interested in girl. girl and guy flirt flirt and flirt some more.. the usual~ this goes on for maybe a month or two. girl is starting to wonder if guy is actually interested in something more or if he’s just using her as some sort of emotional crutch. but girl knows that if she asks questions, guy may think she’s on some sort of manhunt and pull away. so girl keeps quiet while all these questions about where is this going and does he even like me are eating her soul slowly. guy continues on. one day, girl snaps and things explode, not going as planned. guy sees girl as crazy and backs off and girl is now alone. wouldn’t it have just been easier if the guy had been up front about it all in the beginning?!

it may seem harsh, but let’s be serious. we’d all rather have the pain be like ripping off a band-aid: short and semi-sweet. dragging it on until the cows come home will only make it worse for everyone AND keep perpetuating that stereotype we women have of men

but we get it guys. it’s not easy being honest with a girl about how you feel. we know it takes a lot of guts and we totally respect you for it. it’s a mark of a man. even more so, how men handle rejection is just another testament to their studliness (mark it guys. it’s true). But i’m in the same boat. rejection is something that i personally try to avoid at all costs. but life is life and rejection is all a part of that. it’s what you do with it that counts… hopefully

–what am i trying to say? i’m never really sure. that’s the beauty of blogging.

okay i thought about it. here’s my end thoughts before i collapse in a heap of exhausted mess.

the game exists for a reason. so play the game, but don’t let relationships become all about the game.

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