no one tells you how weird and awkward and hard it can be to make friends as an adult. that’s probably why so many of us keep friends from childhood, high school and college so close. we don’t like having to explain who we are to someone new, we’d rather feel comfortable with those who know us well and have already proven they’ve accepted us for who we are.
that’s pretty normal. for me, i’d rather not explain how big of a nerd i was in high school, and apparently still am. i don’t want to relive a lot of the things that happened that shaped me into who i am today. it’s great context, obviously, but really not my proudest moments. for example… writing a note to a guy in my freshman science class who i thought was cute and sticking it in his locker? did i say note? it really was a long letter. just one of the fun and awkward things i did as a freshman in high school. but really, do i want to retell that at HH’s with women i’ve just met? maybe. probably not.
what people also did not warn me about was that i would inherit a group of friends when i got married. you always hear about in-laws and family and all that, but rarely do people talk about how you become part of their friend group and they yours.
my hubby has a fantastic group of guy friends. they are all mostly connected through high school, with some others through basketball and church. they’re hilarious, crazy and all unique and i love them.
there’s also an amazing group of beautiful, talented and sweet women that came with my hubby’s friend group. they are all connected whether through high school, college, dating or marriage. i love them all too!
but in the beginning, it was intimidating for a few reasons:
- they are beautiful people
- they are a close-knit group
- i am old*
*older by at least 2 years and up to 8 years
when you’re younger, you pick your friends based on several factors: age, proximity and interests. unless you are my bestie Jenna, and we became friends because the U of M forced us to live together in a tiny shoe-box for a year. but generally the people you flock to are the people most like you. or at least the people you feel most comfortable around. do they dress like me? were their experiences growing up similar to mine? do they like me back? if there were no similar interests, you didn’t have to see them or spend time with them.
fast forward to now, this group of fun people who were plopped into my life because i fell in love with a basketball playing, food loving Irish man. about 22 of us spent the weekend holed up in a cabin together, playing volleyball (they, not me), cooking meals, eating cookies, playing dutch blitz and pontooning, and it was glorious. Twenty-two people who i might not have ever had the chance to meet and get to know except for the fact that i essentially married into the group.
yes, for me, at the beginning, it was kind of awkward and challenging to figure out who everyone is and whether i fit in. finding the ones who love donuts and pizza and eating food, finding the ones who know every single word to every 90’s rap song, finding the ones who love to read even more than you, finding the shared love of puppies…it took time to get to know everyone and become comfortable being myself around them. it’s only natural. it also helps when those friends are openly accepting and genuinely care about people.
and that is exactly what happened. though it took a few years, i figured out that it was okay to be myself, to nerd out on things like star wars and pizza. to swoon over adorable puppies and new t.swift music. to play cards and then go to sleep early because i’m a grandma. because these ladies do the same. in addition to all the other things that make them so awesome.
its why i am so thankful to have married into such a tight-knit group of friends. they work hard, play hard and are fiercely loyal to one another.
so here’s to the crew, the bros and the ladies, the beautiful ones, inside and out.
photo cred: https://www.instagram.com/joshflom/
look before you fall 